So, I tend to beat myself up over, well, pretty much everything. I don’t know if it stems from my Jewish upbringing or if I was just born with a seriously massive sensitivity chip or if I’m actually certifiably insane. Whatever the reason, I’ve been feeling kind of lame since blogging about the Grammy Awards the other day. The truth is that I am and will remain snarky-to-a-fault, and I do actually stand by my opinions insofar as what moments were kind of cringe-worthy—but I guess I just don’t like the idea of expressing certain opinions so publicly.
I think this was one of my greatest fears in starting a blog in the first place: What if I say something I regret or it comes across the wrong way? Clearly, this is going to be a work in progress and I’m not even sure what I want it to be yet. A place where I can talk about my experiences and opinions? Yes. A venue for bashing everything I find annoying or wrong with the world? Probably not. That just seems a little too weak.
My post the other day reminded me of the girl I was back in grade school who, whenever feeling self-conscious or stuck for something to say, would resort to ripping on other people. Totally not cool. It always backfired, and it always will.
Of course, this is a lot like what my protagonists go through in Frenemies. (How’d you like that segue? But it’s true and very apropos!) As their relationship falls apart, they feel increasingly insecure and can’t help but lash out at each other—and every time they say something hurtful, they realize they’re only damaging themselves. They even feel physically ill at times, like they shouldn’t be saying the awful things they’re saying. That’s kind of how I’ve felt in the few days since filing that post.
I realize I’m probably taking myself way too seriously—but I also feel pretty good about reeling in and re-thinking the direction of the blog this early in the game. See, I think I figured that if I could rip on other public figures, that that would somehow make me funny…interesting…worth reading. But there are a lot of other ways to do that. Better ways.
So come on—give me a virtual lashing. I deserve it! Then let me know how you feel about negativity in blog posts—your own or other people’s. Clearly, I would never make it as a tabloid journalist (although I admit I love their work). Thanks for indulging me as I find my way in this crazy new world I’m creating.