So, I’ve been a little out of touch lately. I know you’ve all missed me terribly, and I must apologize for my absence. You see, I’ve got this thing called a two-year-old and, well, he just won’t let me blog as much as I’d like to. Of course, I’ve also got this thing called a job (which at the moment entails writing a lot of articles about two-year-olds…and working on yet another novel about thirteen-year-olds, natch)—and, well, said job pays a bit more than blogging. Not much more…but a bit!
Anyway, it’s actually a good thing I waited until today to write because the topic I’ve wanted to address is (drum roll, please)…BAD REVIEWS! You want bad reviews? Well, I’ve got ‘em baby. And one of them just came in today. You can check out these not-so-stellar assessments of Frenemies here…and here. Of course, I have to tell you I’m frankly a little disappointed in Madame Book Muncher and Le Jeune And Another Book Read. The thing is…well, they aren’t nearly harsh enough. I mean, if you’re going to say something against Frenemies, say something awful! Tell me the characters or the plot weren’t plausible or well developed enough or that I can’t construct a sentence to save my life! Tell me you couldn’t empathize with the protagonists on any level! Tell me I SUCK. (You know how much I enjoy that, right…?)
In all seriousness, though. It was kind of nice to get a couple lukewarm reviews to help me gear up for the really nasty ones I will most certainly be getting at some point. Also, masochistic as it may sound, I’m actually a big fan of criticism. You see, if it weren’t for dear old Mrs. Herring telling me my poetry wasn’t good enough for the high school literary magazine…well, I might never have fine-tuned my mad lyrical skills. Actually, come to think of it, I didn’t really try to write another poem after that. I mean, the whole thing was kind of a joke to begin with. (Frommage, frommage, frommage…c’est le mien…dommage, dommage, dommage. Impressive, no?)
Okay, let’s try that again. What I meant to say was that if Mrs. Herring hadn’t given me Bs on my Honors English papers, I never would have tried to prove her wrong by perfecting my essay skills to the point where I got As on my college humanities papers and ultimately declared a Lit/Writing major and eventually became the stellar writer I am today (not counting those lukewarm reviews, of course)! Yeah, yeah…that’s what I meant to say. My point is: When people tell you something’s not good enough, you push yourself to try harder. When people tell you something’s awesome and perfect and rad…well, how you gonna top that, my peeps?
Jeez, this whole serious thing isn’t really working for me, is it? I’m going to work on that and try again tomorrow…or sometime soon—you know, when the kid and job permit. See? My own worst critic (me!) provides just the motivation I need to kick it up a notch. And kick it I shall!
Till then…keeping talking sh&$ about me, won’t you please?